Whats the difference between a duck?

August 19, 2015 Leave a comment

A few months ago I received the a Facebook message and the picture below from a good friend of mine. The key point of the below obviously being the title of this post.11186445_10153825492702080_2021548771_n


This is a “Joke” i have told since somewhere around my 17th (1997)  birthday when I heard it at a work do, a few doors up from where my mother still lives now when I was working at a One Stop in the local village. I couldn’t tell you who told me the joke but I can tell you at the time I found it hilariously funny and instantly committed it to memory to be rolled out at drunken moments throughout the rest of my adult life to great hilarity for all around!

Its perhaps the only thing that makes me laugh more than the Bungle scene in two pints (ill tell you about that another time)

What I now find bizarre is that with the advent of the internet this “anti Joke” has pages of Goggle results, in fact a guy named Michael Bluejay even calls it the finest joke ever written and a quick google search even throws up a you tube clip featuring Suits own  Louis Litt (Rick Hoffman) involved in a scene in which this becomes an interview question!!



Perhaps more weird is the number of hits on Google a search for the answer gets

In case you didn’t get it already the answer is…


One of its legs is both the same!



Categories: Uncategorized

A Geeky fortnight and what I have learnt from it.

August 18, 2015 Leave a comment

Over the last two weeks I have been doing some serious geeking out, I have attended Gamescom, played in the Magic the Gathering Grand Prix London, finished Felcia Day’s Book “You’re never Weird on the Internet (Almost) and played a number of PC games including Castle Crashers and Trine 3.

Its been a while since I have had an opportunity to get back to the geekier side of my nature, Joe has been almost surgical in his ability to coincide head injuries and bugs with any “Daddy time” that I manage to carve out for myself.

The only thing I have really found time for is my League of Legends obsession as playing it is normally post Joe’s bedtime and doesn’t require me leaving the house, however the enjoyment I have got out of the last 14 days or so doing other activities has really highlighted to me that I need to be utilizing what time I do get more effectively, whilst I thoroughly enjoy (and despise at the same time) my games of League they are as much to blame if not more so than the impact of any of my Daddy duties.

I realised when i finished Felecia days book that it was only the second one I had read this year (unless funnybones, Thats not my Dragon and Each Peach Pear Plum count), for someone who loves reading and books as much as do this is pretty depressing, I could come up with many excuses such as the fact that I no longer drive to work and drive instead and they would be pseudo true but realistically I haven’t read more than that because I haven’t allocated time to do so.

Whilst playing Trine and Castle Crashers over the weekend and discussing with a friend the merits of various indie titles, it became apparent that I was missing out on a number of really good games and needed to pay my steam account some serious attention (I haven’t even played Portal yet!) A quick look today showed I have 112 titles in my steam library and I have played 5 of them!!

Over the coming weeks I am going to scale back the league and knuckle down on some of my other hobbies and who knows maybe even take a stab at keeping this site ticking over, after all if I am letting my other geeky past times slide I am sure you can imagine how well the writing is coming along….

Categories: Uncategorized

Its a Small world

July 27, 2015 Leave a comment

Whilst out at a supplier event last week I was randomly approached by another attendee and asked if I happened to know a particular person.

Not an especially weird request you might think, but what if I said that the person in question was not attending the event?

Still not that weird I hear you say, so what if that person is not in the industry in which I work and therefore to my knowledge has no connection to this event?

A little bit weird maybe you might think, but what If I told you that person was also the person was my best friend who I have known for the last 30 years and who happens to have drawn a web comic in which a character somewhat like me features?

OK come on, you have to admit its a little weird.

The best bit for me was when this random stranger said her recognised me by a combination of seeing my name in posts on Facebook, my long hair and the depiction by said friend  in his then weekly comic.

I am of course taking this as my first step into the world of celebrity, after all its not everyday you meet a comic book star!

As it turned out the random stranger, who worked for the supplier throwing the event knew my friend pretty well, had lived with another good friend of his and dated yet another good friend, made me think what a crazy small world it is.

Following this whilst walking back to the tube it got me thinking that if you subscribe to the Six degrees of separation (Kevin Bacon) rule, then take the average number of people in a square mile (14k) and then assume that its London and so the chances are that number is significantly higher, its actually kinda of weird that you are not falling over people you know when getting the tube let alone attending an event.

Categories: Uncategorized

Funny the things you remember

July 24, 2015 Leave a comment

Its funny sometimes how memories creep up on you and associated feelings and periods in time that you had perhaps forgotten become important in an instance.

I was out this evening for a leaving do of a colleague from my current job,  in Guildford , a town that has played a significant role in a large part of my late teen and early adult years. It was strange walking through the town and seeing both the things that where the same and those that had changed so much so that the times I remember seem like a bygone era.

Thinking about it, an era is perhaps what it has been, it was the ages of 16-23 that I spent most of time in this town  over a decade ago now, which when put in those terms seems a lot longer ago than perhaps I would like it to be. Since then most of the friends have moved on, we still catch up on Facebook and comment on the important events like moves, funerals, new arrivals and perhaps even meet in person for the odd “special” birthday celebration, but to all intense and purposes it might as well have been another lifetime.

But returning to this evening, as I walked back from the top of town and (at least in my eyes) the newly christened MKB bar, the rain soaking me through and my feet taking me down back ally’s and through shortcuts that they still remembered but I had long forgotten, i was transported to not one, but an amalgamation of nights from my early twenties.

As I walked past the now abandoned shell of Old Orleans and past the (new) Odeon my feet could have easily carried me onward past the station on on to the then girlfriend, now wife’s student Diggs, that I would have crashed at on a regular basis a few hours later but a decade earlier.

I couldn’t tell you which night I was thinking off, or why this particular combination of rain, dripping clothes and alcohol conjured up images of those years gone past, but what I can say is that for a brief fleeting moment I was stumbling home from a night out at CR’s (Cinderella’s, Dusk or TIME as it was known across the years), having missed the last train and desperately hoping that girlfriend (now Wife) was awake enough and not mad enough to let me stay the night.

That’s not my….

January 6, 2015 Leave a comment

As those of you who have read my blog previously (you know back when it was regular) will be aware I really really like reading,

With the arrival of my Son this is a hobby I am desperate to pass on to him, and a passion I am keen on instilling in him. I have a ton of books of varying age ranges that I can’t wait to share with him but with the exception of the brilliant “Green Eggs and Ham” none of them are really suitable for him yet.

Since he was a month old I have insisted on reading him a bed time story, this is part of our nighttime ritual and whilst for the first few months I am guessing it was mostly for my benefit nowadays he sits content on my knee listing to the various stories with wide eyed interest, and he only occasionally tries to eat the book.

We have a pretty large selection of books this again is more for my benefit than his there is only so many times that you can read “Night Monkey, Day Monkey” and stay a sane human being. One of the most prevalent series of books for very young children are the Usborne Books, these come as you can see in all shapes and sizes Joseph’s favorite is

Following on from the present I got her last year – Go the F**K to sleep this year she treated me to a few adult parody’s of Josephs favorite books.

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Its not what you say but how you say it…

January 5, 2015 Leave a comment

Nothing to thought provoking today just a rather amusing (banned) advert from New Zealand to brighten up your evening.

Cant see Ronseal taking the same approach.

“Our” House

January 4, 2015 Leave a comment

As I mentioned previously we bought our first home this year, I say our but as I am sure any of you men out there who cohabit with a female know what I really mean is that we bought Wife’s first home this year.

Regardless of if your name is on the lease or the mortgage when it really comes down to it, its her place and she just lets you stay over. The shades of paint, the design of the furniture and placement of all of your stuff is her choice and hers alone. I mean she will ask your opinion whilst you stand in DFS or Ikea but if it differs from what she thought it will be quickly discarded.

That being said there is generally at least one part of the house that she will (kinda) graciously hand over to you. The size of this space will depend on the size of your property, how long you have been together and most importantly how much she needs that walk in shoe closet,

It starts with the “Man Drawer”, this exists in even the smallest of households,  I could explain this, but to be honest Michael McIntyre does it way better than I ever could.

Following this is the “Man Cave” this could be a spare room, the Shed, a loft extension or as it is in my case a simple cupboard. Its larger than the average cupboard to be honest, I should be pretty happy with it but I was kinda banking on the second bedroom. I tried to convince Wife that we could give Joseph the cupboard as a bedroom and tell him he was a Wizard, but apparently that didn’t wash.

Anyways the reason that I bought this up at all was that this weekend I was tasked with hanging some pictures, we got a lovely piece celebrating our moving into to our new house and also the birth of our son but also I was given permission to take a couple of things out of the “Man Cupboard” and hang them in the house.





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